Getting your Ex back (no mind games)

How to Get Your Ex Back

from wikiHow - The How to Manual That You Can Edit
A relationship that you cherished may be over, but what if you're not over your ex and you believe the relationship can be repaired? Here's how to convince your ex to give it another go.

Steps

What to Do After The Break-up

1. Understand the break-up. What did each of you do to contribute to the break-up? The odds are that it wasn't a one-sided problem. Realizing what you did wrong will help strengthen the relationship if you get back together, and if nothing else, will help you avoid similar mistakes in future relationships.
2. Find out if they are still interested. Before you start doing anything to try and win back your ex’s heart, you need to know for sure whether they still care or not. Knowing if your ex still cares about you is the first most important clue and hint that things can still be mended.
3. Avoid contact for the first two weeks after the break-up. They will call you if they want to talk. If they don't, nothing you say or wear will change that. Sometimes, ignoring your ex makes them feel like you are perfectly fine without them and are moving on, which is the exact opposite of what they want.
4. Focus on yourself. Hang out with your friends. Throw yourself into work and other extracurricular activities. You don't want to seem needy or like you are waiting for your ex to contact you again.
5. Take a good look at yourself. When you first fell in love with your partner, what type of a person were you? When things fall apart, others will tell you that people change. However, you should take a moment and think "Have I changed? Am I a better, happier person now than I was then?" If you can honestly say you haven't changed for the better, perhaps you've defaulted to some bad habits or let your fears and worries get the best of you
6. Do not stop them from seeing other people. If you start to complain and whine, you will instantly drive your ex away to that third party. Human nature is such that the more you stop them from having something, the more they want it. On the other hand, respect their choices and freedom. Do not let jealousy set in. Trust that if there was true happiness between you and if your ex wants to be happy, they'll eventually see that getting back together is the best choice. They just need time to get through the fog of whatever caused your breakup.

Reintroduce Yourself

1. Alter your appearance. Get a few items of new clothing, alter your hairstyle or do your nails. Make yourself stand out and seem fresh from what your ex remembers of you. Make sure this change is subtle and not over the top.
2. Spend time with other people. You don't need to sleep with them, but spending time with other men or women will let your ex know that you are on the prowl. If they are still interested, they will step in and interject this.
3. Be the person they fell in love with. Your ex was attracted to you because they felt good with you and you were fulfilling their emotional needs. How have you changed (if at all)? Correct bad habits and mistakes, if any. Be positive around them. Laugh and smile. Always stay positive to feel good about yourself and make yourself attractive to others.
4. Be available. Having people want to date you is enough to make your ex jealous. You don't need to actually date other people. This will only confuse your ex, because it'll make them think you're over them, or that you're deliberately trying to make them jealous. Taking a break from relationships will not only show that you still have feelings for your ex, but it will also demonstrate maturity and lack of neediness.
5. Casually hang out with them again. Do something non-committal like have a drink with friends or play miniature golf. Make it Something friends and first dates alike can do. And whatever it is, keep it fun and skip out on the serious talks for now.
6. Fill the gap. If you struggle with neediness, you're probably a little lacking in the self-esteem department. You might be looking for your ex to make you feel better about yourself, but the fact is that you are the only person who can really do that. You shouldn't base your happiness on someone else. It makes them feel guilty, obligated and eventually, resentful towards you.

Have a Relationship Discussion

1. Invite your ex to talk to you. Express regret things weren't working out between you and ask if you can talk about it now that you have some perspective. Ask if what went wrong was related to what you've been working on. Your ex may have a different perspective.
2. Prepare your first words. The first thing that you say to your ex is extremely important. If you say the wrong words, you will lose the chance to get them back. You need to understand that even though you're not together, there is a good chance they still harbor strong feelings for you.
3. Use the past to your advantage. If they've ever complimented an outfit of yours, wear it again. Or share a light-hearted memory you had together. Meet at a familiar place you used to hang out together.
4. Apologize. Think deeply about anything you did or didn't do that somehow contributed to the downfall of the relationship, and clean the slate by giving your ex a proper apology. Take full responsibility for the offense, without blaming them, giving excuses, or expecting an apology (or even forgiveness) in return. It may very well be that they contributed to the situation, but you cannot apologize for them; you can only apologize for yourself. Leave them out of it and odds are the apology will be reciprocated.
   • Offer the apology in person. Tell them you just need to get something off your chest and all they need to do is listen
   • Avoid using the word "but". ("I am sorry, but..." means "I am not sorry.") Also, do not say "I'm sorry you feel that way" or "I'm sorry if you were offended." This makes it seem like you are blaming the other person, and is not a real apology.
   • A true apology should be structured as follows: Offense, empathy, amends, thanks. Example: "I just wanted to say I'm sorry for the times when you wanted to spend time with me, and I blew you off. You must've felt really neglected. In the future, I'm going to try really hard to pay attention to the people I care about so that this does not happen again. Thanks for helping me realize that."

Video

This video discusses some ways to resist the urge to call your ex, so you can give your ex the space they need to realize how much you mean to them.

Tips

• If you do get back together, don't let the same issues that destroyed your relationship crop up again. Have a good, long talk about how you're both going to make it right this time
• To stop playing mind games and get your Ex back.

Warnings

• Some relationships just aren't meant to be. If the steps above don't work, at some point you'll have to accept the break up and move on.
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Related wikiHows

• How to Have a Healthy Relationship
• How to Deal With Being Dumped when You Want to Remain Friends
• How to Gain Control of Your Emotions
• How to Get Over a Break Up
• How to Resist the Urge to Call Your Ex

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