Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Total mind games to get Your ex girlfriend back

How to Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back

from wikiHow - The How to Manual That You Can Edit
In every long term relationship, there are many fights. Many times, they result in break ups. If you believe your ex-partner is "the one", here are some tips on how to get her back.

Steps

  1. Don't get too jealous. Remember, jealousy is an emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss, such as a relationship, friendship, or love.
  2. Leave her alone. Give her some time to think about the relationship. If you had a great relationship, she'll feel that she misses you and will try to get back to you. When you do speak to her, do not be angry or demeaning. You need to be (or at least seem) cool, calm and in control of your life with or without her.
  3. Cut off all communication. This is tough and it will be killing you, but really it's killing her more. She's starting to realize how much she needs you and how much she misses you. Cutting off communication is the biggest step.
  4. Recover emotionally. You don't have a chance of getting your ex back if you're not emotionally calm and controlled. Women dislike needy, clingy, desperate men - so you need to pull your own life together before attempting to draw her back into it. Just be calm and collected about the whole situation, and make your life happier. Going for a jog or to the gym will make you feel better too.
  5. Start talking to another girl. This helps for many reasons. This will probably be too much for your ex. She will find out that you're talking to this girl, and it will get her back to you. Use with caution as it may give the wrong signals, such as a sign that she should move on because you have a new girlfriend.
  6. Act like nothing is wrong. She's not going to want you back if you're acting depressed. Make sure you're laughing a lot and pretending to have a good time. This is so hard because of the break up depression. Although if you dumped her she may like to see that you are a little depressed from the breakup, it will make her love you even more, because she knows that you care.
  7. Look your best. Make sure your acne is gone, you get yourself shaped up, and looking good. She won't be able to resist.
  8. Build up confidence. This is mostly a combination of the above. The best way to build up confidence is to model a person (real or imaginary) who you consider to be confident. Break down how they act (actions, emotions, speech, etc) and copy it. If you keep it up, you will become a more confident person - fake it till you make it at its best.
  9. If you want to get her back, then you should be the Alpha male. Get back the confidence you had earlier when you just began dating her.
  10. Figure out why one or both of you left. Many times the reason for the break up is a reason not to get back together. When it's not, you should still be aware of the problem and work together to make it work.

Tips

  • Simply remember that she might have no intention of getting back together with you.
  • Your ex will contact you. Even if it takes months, she is going to text you or call you. When she does this, you know your mission is accomplished. Now that she likes you again, bring back your charm that won her in the first place.
  • The best way to reconnect with your ex is to invite her for lunch or something equally non-threatening and time-bound. This assures her that you won't overstay your 30-minute appointment, since both of you have to go back to work afterwards. Plus, if the meeting goes well, it provides a great opportunity to leave her begging for more!
  • Once you're back together, sit down and discuss the issues that led to the break-up and how you're going to avoid them this time. There's no point going back into a relationship only to see it fall apart over the same problems a month down the line.[1]
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Warnings

  • When your ex gets back in touch, DO NOT start talking to her about your relationship right away! Even if she desperately wants you back, she's probably not ready to talk about the break-up. Instead, pretend as if you had never dated and treat her purely as an old friend. This will help you put her at ease and allow you to gradually nudge her towards reconciliation rather than running the risk of scaring her away.
  • Remember why you guys broke up in the first place, so you can learn from your own mistakes.
  • Not every girl is prone to fall for you just because she is jealous, try a sweeter way and just talk to her.
  • Never go unprepared when meeting your ex as it’d just draw your ex away from you. Getting your ex girlfriend back is not rocket science and you can win your ex girlfriend back by just following a game plan.

Sources and Citations

  1. More tips to get your ex back
  2. Win your ex back
  3. For more info on getting your Ex Girlfriend back click here
Article provided by wikiHow, a wiki how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.

Friday, February 17, 2012

Getting your Ex back (no mind games)

How to Get Your Ex Back

from wikiHow - The How to Manual That You Can Edit
A relationship that you cherished may be over, but what if you're not over your ex and you believe the relationship can be repaired? Here's how to convince your ex to give it another go.

Steps

What to Do After The Break-up
  1. Understand the break-up. What did each of you do to contribute to the break-up? The odds are that it wasn't a one-sided problem. Realizing what you did wrong will help strengthen the relationship if you get back together, and if nothing else, will help you avoid similar mistakes in future relationships.
  2. Find out if they are still interested. Before you start doing anything to try and win back your ex’s heart, you need to know for sure whether they still care or not. Knowing if your ex still cares about you is the first most important clue and hint that things can still be mended.
  3. Avoid contact for the first two weeks after the break-up. They will call you if they want to talk. If they don't, nothing you say or wear will change that. Sometimes, ignoring your ex makes them feel like you are perfectly fine without them and are moving on, which is the exact opposite of what they want.
  4. Focus on yourself. Hang out with your friends. Throw yourself into work and other extracurricular activities. You don't want to seem needy or like you are waiting for your ex to contact you again.
  5. Take a good look at yourself. When you first fell in love with your partner, what type of a person were you? When things fall apart, others will tell you that people change. However, you should take a moment and think "Have I changed? Am I a better, happier person now than I was then?" If you can honestly say you haven't changed for the better, perhaps you've defaulted to some bad habits or let your fears and worries get the best of you
  6. Do not stop them from seeing other people. If you start to complain and whine, you will instantly drive your ex away to that third party. Human nature is such that the more you stop them from having something, the more they want it. On the other hand, respect their choices and freedom. Do not let jealousy set in. Trust that if there was true happiness between you and if your ex wants to be happy, they'll eventually see that getting back together is the best choice. They just need time to get through the fog of whatever caused your breakup.
Reintroduce Yourself
  1. Alter your appearance. Get a few items of new clothing, alter your hairstyle or do your nails. Make yourself stand out and seem fresh from what your ex remembers of you. Make sure this change is subtle and not over the top.
  2. Spend time with other people. You don't need to sleep with them, but spending time with other men or women will let your ex know that you are on the prowl. If they are still interested, they will step in and interject this.
  3. Be the person they fell in love with. Your ex was attracted to you because they felt good with you and you were fulfilling their emotional needs. How have you changed (if at all)? Correct bad habits and mistakes, if any. Be positive around them. Laugh and smile. Always stay positive to feel good about yourself and make yourself attractive to others.
  4. Be available. Having people want to date you is enough to make your ex jealous. You don't need to actually date other people. This will only confuse your ex, because it'll make them think you're over them, or that you're deliberately trying to make them jealous. Taking a break from relationships will not only show that you still have feelings for your ex, but it will also demonstrate maturity and lack of neediness.
  5. Casually hang out with them again. Do something non-committal like have a drink with friends or play miniature golf. Make it Something friends and first dates alike can do. And whatever it is, keep it fun and skip out on the serious talks for now.
  6. Fill the gap. If you struggle with neediness, you're probably a little lacking in the self-esteem department. You might be looking for your ex to make you feel better about yourself, but the fact is that you are the only person who can really do that. You shouldn't base your happiness on someone else. It makes them feel guilty, obligated and eventually, resentful towards you.
Have a Relationship Discussion
  1. Invite your ex to talk to you. Express regret things weren't working out between you and ask if you can talk about it now that you have some perspective. Ask if what went wrong was related to what you've been working on. Your ex may have a different perspective.
  2. Prepare your first words. The first thing that you say to your ex is extremely important. If you say the wrong words, you will lose the chance to get them back. You need to understand that even though you're not together, there is a good chance they still harbor strong feelings for you.
  3. Use the past to your advantage. If they've ever complimented an outfit of yours, wear it again. Or share a light-hearted memory you had together. Meet at a familiar place you used to hang out together.
  4. Apologize. Think deeply about anything you did or didn't do that somehow contributed to the downfall of the relationship, and clean the slate by giving your ex a proper apology. Take full responsibility for the offense, without blaming them, giving excuses, or expecting an apology (or even forgiveness) in return. It may very well be that they contributed to the situation, but you cannot apologize for them; you can only apologize for yourself. Leave them out of it and odds are the apology will be reciprocated.
    • Offer the apology in person. Tell them you just need to get something off your chest and all they need to do is listen
    • Avoid using the word "but". ("I am sorry, but..." means "I am not sorry.") Also, do not say "I'm sorry you feel that way" or "I'm sorry if you were offended." This makes it seem like you are blaming the other person, and is not a real apology.
    • A true apology should be structured as follows: Offense, empathy, amends, thanks. Example: "I just wanted to say I'm sorry for the times when you wanted to spend time with me, and I blew you off. You must've felt really neglected. In the future, I'm going to try really hard to pay attention to the people I care about so that this does not happen again. Thanks for helping me realize that."

Video

This video discusses some ways to resist the urge to call your ex, so you can give your ex the space they need to realize how much you mean to them.

Tips


Warnings


Related wikiHows

Article provided by wikiHow, a wiki how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Get Your Ex Back. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.

How to Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

from wikiHow - The How to Manual That You Can Edit
Your relationship with a special guy has come and gone, but now you want him back. Here's how to turn that ex-boyfriend into your significant other once again! Follow these steps to help you out.

Steps

  1. Consider why it is you two broke up in the first place. Do you just want him back just because you feel that you can't have him? Or maybe you just like the idea of having a boyfriend? Or you really do like him? Were one (or both) of you abusive, controlling, mean, or possessive? Did one (or both) cheat? If any of these things happened, you'll want to think long and hard about going back to that kind of relationship.
  2. Be the person he fell in love with. He was attracted to you because he felt good with you, and you were fulfilling his emotional needs. How have you changed? Correct bad habits and mistakes, if any. Be positive around him. Laugh and smile. Always stay positive to feel good about yourself and make friends around you.
    • Don't look like you're stuck in the past, though. Let him know you're moving on by going to the library class your locker the gym and wearing different clothes than you normally would. This will definitely make them think you are moving on with your life.
  3. Prepare your first words. The first thing that you say to your ex boyfriend is extremely important. If you say the wrong words, you will lose the chance to get your ex boyfriend back. Do not respond to your ex request for a breakup by crying and begging him to come back. This will not work. You are just going to make him feel more irritated and drive him further away. You need to understand that even though he initiates the breakup, there is a good chance that he still harbors good feelings for you.
  4. Use the past to your advantage. If he's ever complimented your outfit, wear it again. Or, share a light-hearted memory with him. If you have a chance to meet him, do it at a familiar place you used to hang out together.
  5. Listen carefully to his choice of words. HE may say something unusual like If he ever uses an unusual or uncommon word, casually slip it into the conversation again. This subconsciously tells him that he and you are similar due to exclusive and similar ways of talking.
  6. Find out if your ex still cares. Before you start doing anything to try and win back your ex’s heart, you need to know for sure that he still cares or not. If he doesn’t and you are still desperate to get him back, then you need to know the most subtle ways to get him start to care, even the slightest. You will learn the most obvious clues on how to tell whether you still hold a special place in her heart or not. Knowing if your ex still cares about you is the first most important clue and hint that things can still be mended. You should not start on anything before you are sure that your ex has some percentage of concern when it comes to you. That is simply your small but fast closing window.
  7. Casually ask if he'd like to do something non-committal, like have a drink with friends, play miniature golf, play tennis, etc. Something friends and first dates alike can do. And whatever it is, keep it fun. Skip out on the serious talks for now. You'll have plenty of time to talk about that later. That's very threatening to a lot of guys. If he initiates it, follow his lead. But don't go heavy.
  8. Let him know you were thinking about him. Remember that one time you two went to dinner at that great new restaurant and had a fabulous time? Leave him a short email telling him you ate there recently and thought of him. And, by the way, how is he doing? This is a non-threatening way to have a light conversation, and also, a small request for a reply back.
  9. Invite him to talk to you. Express regret things weren't working out between you and ask if you can talk about it now that you have some perspective. Ask if what went wrong was related to what you've been working on. Your ex may have a different perspective!
  10. Pay some attention to your appearance if you have been neglecting yourself in that department. Get your nails and hair done. Take a nice warm bubble bath, and pick out a nice outfit.
  11. Stop caring about how people perceive you. The fact is, it really doesn't matter. It's impossible to be yourself when you're caught up in wondering "Do they think I'm funny? Does she think I'm fat? Do they think I'm stupid?" To be yourself, you've got to let go of these concerns and just let your behavior flow, with only your consideration of others as a filter—not their consideration of you.
  12. If you just broke up (less than a couple weeks) completely ignore him. He will call you if he likes you. If he doesn't then nothing you say or wear will change that. (This works unless you are dealing with a guy that thinks that if you aren't coming after him, you don't care. Sometimes, ignoring him makes him feel like you are perfectly fine without him and are moving on, which is the exact opposite of what you want when you are trying to get back with your man. Be sure you know exactly what type of guy you are dealing with when trying to get him back.)
  13. Remember, no situation is hopeless. Every day, couples get back together regardless of the situation.
  14. If all else fails, move on. Agree with the break-up.
  15. Find other things to focus on. If you focus your attention on a new activity, you will have less time to miss your ex-boyfriend. You feel stronger and more in control of your life. And if you are still in contact, your ex boyfriend will notice that you have "moved on".

Video


Tips

    • Make the right opening move. You must agree with your ex first that the both of you have broken up. Do not resort to any violence or anger.
  • If he broke up with you for another boy/girl, then talk to him about it. Try asking him something like, "Do we still like each other? Will we ever be together again?"
  • After break up, if your ex asks to go out with you again, but just as friends (and after a few months of relearning about yourself & building other priorities), go for it.
  • Just concentrate on the ways to get a good feeling of yourself and try to keep your spirits up. Try to mingle with friends outside and have lots of fun with them. This will definitely take you one step forward in your move to win your ex back.
  • Be yourself. Do not be afraid
  • Don't hit on his best friend. It hurts your ex's feelings, and people using it as revenge will see that this doesn't help getting him back.
  • Be subtle before you try anything obvious, you need to pick up his signals first. You don't want to look desperate.
  • Be honest with him and yourself. Just be casual and allow him to initiate asking you the serious questions first.
  • Do not let him know you miss him! It lets him believe he has the upper hand when really neither of you do it should be equal!
  • Don't ever come on too strong like giving him flirtatious eyes. A smile is fine at first.
  • But remember don't let him know you miss him! He will think he has the advantage over you and he will believe that whenever he wants you he will get you like that!
  • Don't be too pushy, but at the same time let him know that you have control.
  • If he wants you back just give him some time, but not too much! If it is meant to be it will be!
  • If and when you and your ex decide to meet up, remember your appearance is important! Be the woman he fell for in the beginning. You don't want him to think you have let yourself go since the breakup.
  • Do not call or text him all the time. This gives him the impression that you seem desperate. If you don't contact him, this will let him know that you're moving on and he needs to win you over if he wants you back. Remember if he wants to talk, he will call you.
  • When you and your ex are having a conversation bring up past times that the two of you enjoyed. Let him know you haven't forgotten about the good times. This could work in your favor.
  • Avoid flirting with his friends, it will push him away even more.
  • Have a schedule. Men like women who have an agenda, it shows that they have other important things going on.
  • Do not put all the pressure on him. Tell him you love him from time to time. Tell him to take all the time he needs to answer. If he says no, go with the flow and move on. Don't cry for the rest of your life. That just means that you two weren't meant to be.
  • Always remember to have a positive posture. Your slouchy body language wont get you any where! Make sure you always have a smile on your face and feel good about yourself. Boys don't like girls that talk badly about themselves.
  • dont do somthing that you know he doesnt like just to get his attention. this will only make him think you dont care and will push him even farther away.

Warnings

  • Never beg over and over again. It will make him love you less than he already does.
  • Don't get your hopes up too high on this. There is a chance that he will not take you back.
  • On-and-off dating can be heart-breaking and even abusive.
  • Never forget the reason you broke up in the first place.
  • Never let a man take advantage of you.
  • Never take a man back if he broke up with you for another girl. Unless you still want him back and you know it was a mistake. Otherwise, he already had his chance with you.
  • If he tries to cheat on his current girlfriend with you, turn away. If he's cheating on her now, he will cheat on you if you stay together. Just be friends and call it a day. Just be super nice and say no.
  • If you think he will hit you some day then he will, run and never turn back.
  • Don't go after your ex if he's married, it will only cause more hurt on your side.
  • If your friends tell you that he was abusive even if you don't think so, believe them and do not take him back no matter what!
  • If he seems to only want a physical connection and not a relationship, then leave him alone, because he is only looking for someone who is familiar to him.
  • If you start winning him back, make sure you examine what went wrong the first time around and work on that problem or you will end up back to square one.
  • First, you always have to remember why you two broke up. And you also have to remember to not take advantage of him.
  • Don't become too obsessive. That'll push him away.
  • Know when to let go. It can be the difference between getting the person back or having them walk away forever.
  • Don't take him back if he left you for another girl,or left another girl fro you. this just proves he cant make up his mind and isnt ready for a relationship.
  • If he starts talking to you less/differently because you wont do somthing that he wants(sex, drugs etc.) dont bother keeping him around. he is just using you to have a good time.

Related wikiHows


Sources and Citations

Article provided by wikiHow, a wiki how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.